I’ve had a few conversations with my mentors in the past several month about strengthening my confidence – whether it be in the workplace, in networking scenarios, or on a resume. I’ve been plagued with chronic second-guess syndrome and have often wondered whether or not I measure up to the folks in the room, or if I’m seasoned enough for an opportunity that I’ve gone after.
We’ve identified a couple of key reasons why I develop such anxieties-
- I strive for a perfect picture vs. recognizing the beauty of the work-in-progress.
- I don’t take time to acknowledge my wins and celebrate the steps I’ve made thus far.
I’m fortunate to have a diverse panel of support, all of whom have pointed out that I’m not alone in this way of thinking. It’s part of a woman’s nature to feign strength. We’ve been conditioned to always keep pushing in order to keep up with sharp standards. . . Rarely stopping to enjoy the moments in which small strides are made.
This way of living is so limiting. HOW can we channel our power if we’re constantly at odds with our pride?
Admittedly, this is still a work in progress for me. More often than not I find myself back in the toxic cycle mindfuck of good, but somehow not good enough. The difference this go around is that I’ve begun to implement some new practices that have helped me to zero in on little wins and, if even just for a moment, give myself the recognition that I deserve – and need.
Practicing Gratitude
“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”- Brene’ Brown
Becoming intentional about gratitude was a game changer for me. As someone who tends to focus on challenges far too often, including a practice of appreciation in my daily schedule helps to relieve the pressure. Identifying even just one good thing to offset a frustrating circumstance or a bout of anxiety can drastically shift a mood or avert a downward spiral. Being grateful is honoring myself.
Some of the routines that helped me to get started on intentionally practicing gratitude:
- I wake up and immediately think of a few things that I’m thankful for. I know this one is a bit cliché, but it really does help to set the tone of my morning. I’m not the type of person that perkily springs out of bed- but this helps to get the day flowing. Before leaning over to check the phone or turning on the TV, I say “I’m thankful for waking up this morning with new opportunities ahead.”
- I created a gratitude jar. One of my mentors suggested this gem to me as a tool to both center myself at the end of the day and reflect on my positive stories when needed in the future. All it took was a mason jar and a few slips of paper. At the end of the day, or week, I jot down some of the positive strides that were taken- no matter how small they may seem.
- I try to counter my complaints with positive affirmations. Everyone needs to vent once in a while, but when I catch myself complaining more often than not – I aim to shift my perspective. Ex. “I’m not where I want to be with my career BUT I’m grateful to have the security to pay my bills and put meals on my table. A greater opportunity will come.”
Practicing Self-Recognition
“I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that b…” – Lizzo
In past, I’ve wanted to stay far away from the fine line between confidence and arrogance. When I was revamping my resume a year ago, another one of my mentors told me “this isn’t the time to be modest.” Even on paper, I didn’t flex! But it’s becoming clear that there IS a place for celebration and horn-tooting – and I should do it more frequently.
Whether that’s giving myself a pat on the back when I’ve completed a small project at work, or updating a status on social media and letting the world know that I’ve accomplished one of my goals – I should be free and feel free to do it with pride and confidence.
To be honest, a year ago I would have rolled my eyes at your ‘humble brag’ posts. Now, I realize the importance of a confidence booster in whatever form is helpful – and who am I (are we) to turn my nose up at someone who is both giving a voice to their achievements and uplifting themselves. I get it now!
There are a couple of ways that I’m currently challenging myself to feel more comfortable in spaces of recognition:
- I recite a daily mantra that celebrates my worth. I keep post-its stuck to my bathroom mirror that serve as a reminder that I’m capable of overcoming whatever challenges the day may bring, and that I’m worthy of all goodness it brings as well. I start with “I am not limited” and move through a short list of other uplifting messages before heading out the door.
- I’m owning my “Rockstar status” in conversation. I earned a Master’s Degree in New Media and Journalism. I’m a creative writer with ambitions to write New York Times best-selling novels. I’ve held leadership positions in both the work-space and in volunteerism. I incorporated a business while contracting with a start-up company, and sustained myself for a year. And the list goes on. I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve done – and I’m proudly telling my story more and more.
Every day, I get a little better at defending myself from limiting thoughts. Second-guess syndrome still rears it’s ugly head- but I’m finally armed and ready to shoot that beast down.
